If you ask me, God has a wonderful sense of humor. I have always been the kind of girl who has had every little detail in her life planned out from start to finish. I created my fantasy life, that would most likely never even happen, but when your 10 and think you can pick and choose what you want out of life like a salad bar, it doesn’t seem like such a fantasy. I had my career planned out, the college I would attend, when and where I would get married, how many kids I would have, what their names would be, and so many more details that no human could possibly have any control over.
Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand. – John 13:7
Lately things in my life have taken a twist. This turn in my life has done nothing but awaken my faith and the power that God has.
During Eucharistic Adoration, something happened to me and I was overcome by the Holy Spirit. I heard a voice telling me something. Something I had never imagined hearing and something that may have possibly changed my life in that very instant. God was telling me that I wasn’t meant to be a pediatric oncologist, but something greater; a missionary or live a religious life. I had shaken hands with my oncologist when I was 6 and told him that one day I would have his job and find a cure to cancer. It had always been my dream until this moment several months ago when everything changed.
After this night I continued on with my hopes of becoming a doctor and going to a great medical school and having a great job, but it never quite felt the same as before. I felt empty and as if I was pretending to want something my heart didn’t fully desire.
Recently, I had another encounter with the Holy Spirit over the same topic. I got chills and said missionary. I burst into tears. I knew then that God was calling me to be someone to spread His love and word to others everywhere. I am meant to help others and enlighten them on the amazing-ness of Jesus Christ. But how? By speaking and giving witnesses? By blogging and writing? By going to a third world country and giving the people there a better life? I have not the slightest idea, all I know is I am meant to be Christ’s hands and feet in one way or another.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip
he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you
the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm
he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.
– Psalms 121
In the midst of everything in my life and God’s crazy plan, I stumbled upon this chapter of Psalms that really spoke to me. I will go where the Lord leads me, because I know that He will guard my soul on the gong and coming of this crazy adventure. He has/will be there for all my trials and triumphs and all my tears and laughter. He isn’t going anywhere.
God has called me higher, deeper, and I will never let Him leave me alone on this journey. I struggle with being vulnerable to God’s plan because in reality.. it’s freaking scary. But it’s also a beautiful thing. I know I have written about God’s plan before but it’s something you can never talk too much about and it’ll most likely come up in the future as well (sorry guys).
I have realized that I have almost no control over what I want in life. All I know is I want Jesus and can have Jesus. I want others to see him through me, through the words I say and through the actions I take. We need to open up and let God in. He is knocking at each and every one of our hearts begging to be let in.Let Him lead you to where you are meant to be. Let Him sweep you off your feet and take you farther than you could ever wander.
To open the door can be scary at first, but trust me, it’s so very worth it.
Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior